Never Again
by mynameisvaleria
Summary: [one-shot] There were only two men she had ever loved in her entire life. There were only two men who had never loved her back in her entire life. And unfortunately, they were the same person. And she'll pretend for some time, but she knew it would hit her in the end. (10th Doctor/OC/Jack Harkness)


**Author's notes:**

HELLLOOO!

Welllll, yeah, it's been quite a long time and I am officially back with a new one-shot. Here, you get to see my brand new rejuvenated (but not much better lol) writing style. Hopefully you still like reading my stuff:)

Doctor Who and Torchwood- my brand new favourite things (wink). Enjoy the lovely bastards: the tenth doctor and Captain Jack Harkness. (Yeah, they're both a bit of a bastard here but you know, that's how I like my characters.)

* * *

**Never Again**

_I'll pretend for some time, but I know it'll hit me in the end._

There were only two men she had ever loved in her entire life.

There were only two men who had never loved her back in her entire life.

And unfortunately, they were the same person.

**XXX**

She met the Doctor in Hong Kong when she was studying for her Geography exam. He showed up quite randomly in the middle of the night while she was nearly falling asleep, and his TARDIS woke her up.

He grinned, held his hand out for her to shake while she pressed herself against the door, completely terrified (she thought she was justified, but he still felt it was silly). He told her his name was the Doctor, and reassured her he meant no harm. Maybe it was the hair or the kind smile, but she chose to believe him, and uttered her simple name: Cheyenne Cheung.

Delighted, he told her that she was the first Chinese he had talked to.

Being sixteen, she flushed with pride, and grinned at him in return. It didn't take much to convince her to go on 'a trip' with him.

(After all, it was midnight and she did want to avoid the exams.)

She became his constant companion after that, and refused to acknowledge how worried her mother would be- how heartbroken she would be. It was as if Cheyenne was no more. She had disappeared one night to never come back.

The Doctor enjoyed her company long enough to keep her for a few months.

(Well, she was quiet and not noticeable. He could pretend her silence was Rose.)

And she loved him- who wouldn't?

The Doctor, who was so witty and charming and compassionate towards humans. Except for her. He wasn't compassionate towards her. Never had he once noticed her affections.

She was no idiot. She noticed her love her Doctor not after long- perhaps 2 weeks into travelling with him. She would take the stupidest risks and make the most idiotic choices, but the Doctor revelled in being able to save the damsel-in-distress. But it seemed like it was the only way to keep his interest and attention.

One day, he told her the story of how Donna's memories got wiped, of how Martha left him, and of how Rose was lost, and it only registered how lonely he was- but how he did not accept others into his life.

The Doctor then looked into her eyes, as if feeling her affection for him expand. 'I want a mate. No more than that.'

She forced herself to smile, felt her heart contract in pain, and nodded. 'I know. That's all I want to be. A mate.'

It didn't do much to take her love away, but it did cause her eventual sink into depression.

He didn't notice- or at least he pretended not to notice during the four months when she faked smiles and acted enthusiastic just to put on a show for him. He pretended not to notice how reckless she had become over the months, and how she just seemed to lose her instinct of survival.

Cheyenne was never a positive person. She didn't look forward- always backward.

(And then she met Jack Harkness.)

He charmed her at first sight.

She had a weakness of pretty boys and muscles, and people who turned their charm on like it was something inborn. Conclusion: Captain Jack Harkness was irresistible to her.

'Hello,' he grinned at her, 'Captain Jack Harkness. Who are you?'

The Doctor frowned at him. 'Stop it.'

Jack Harkness had given the Doctor a look, one that said: don't ruin it, mate.

(The Doctor and Jack Harkness were 'only mates', because that was the way the Doctor wanted it- it was how he always wanted everything, except for Rose.)

'Cheyenne Cheung. H-hi, Jack,' she said shyly, hiding half her face behind her hair. He simply brushed her hair behind her ears and grabbed her hand, kissing it softly. He chuckled as her cheeks tinted the faintest shade of red.

'It's an absolute pleasure to meet you,' he said, sending a wink at her.

Jack Harkness didn't know what happened, but what the girl lacked in sex appeal, she made up for it in her shyness. It wasn't always that Jack Harkness met young girls- and it wasn't always (in fact, it's almost never) that he met girls who didn't throw themselves at him.

He travelled with them for a few weeks before declaring he had to be back at Torchwood, and when they were about to depart, she shouted at the Doctor to stop.

Those few words changed her life.

'Doctor! I want to stay. Stay with him,' she managed to blurt out.

The Doctor didn't look surprised, but he was evidently not pleased either. 'He's not going to settle down for you.'

She let out an unbelieving and mocking laughter. 'Doctor, you're not going to settle down for me either. But at least he's going to return my affections.'

The Doctor flushed lightly. 'I said I wanted to only be mates.'

'But you never turned away my affections after all. You never stopped me from trying to die for you,' she said softly, but with finality. He didn't know what to say after that, so she just stepped forward and kissed him lightly before walking out of the TARDIS, knowing where and how to find Jack Harkness.

She waited on the step to sink, and she knew it would, because he had told her once when he was piss drunk.

'Jack, there's this girl, and I have no fucking idea who she is,' Owen called casually over his shoulder. 'Is she one of your conquests?'

It hurt her to hear this because she knew that there was a huge possibility that all she was to him, was a whore he picked up from his latest trip.

'Hey, how did you find this place?' the man she knew as Ianto (because obviously, Jack had told her when he was drunk as well) spoke up, reaching for a gun in his back pocket.

Jack walked into the room, and his face lit up with surprise. 'Chey? What are you doing here?'

'I left him,' she replied. 'I left him because I know I don't deserve him and I won't ever get anything from him. But you're different. I know you are.'

He smiled at her. 'Maybe it's you who's different,' he said, before wrapped an arm around her and shifted closer to her, bringing her out of the Torchwood facility. 'But you can't stay in the facility. I'll find you a place to stay.'

'As long as you don't abandon me, I'm fine with it.'

It was easier said than done.

He found her the apartment, and for the first few years, everything was fine. Nothing could be better than having Jack Harkness come to her every night, showing his love and affection, returning her warmth.

It was all she had wished for but she knew somehow, deep inside she knew that happy endings don't last forever, and this dream would not last forever.

The awakening came to her one day when she woke up with Jack's arm next to her, and an increasing urge to throw up.

_Morning sickness. _

That was what she found out that afternoon.

She was pregnant.

Jack Harkness did not love her and she knew that.

He liked her enough to keep her around, and they understood each other because they both had unrequited feelings for the Doctor. But she was sure that Captain Jack Harkness would not tolerate her having his child.

She did whatever she could to keep it from her, but it didn't take long for her to gain weight.

It was all over for her and she knew it.

He had his usual smile on his face and it hurt her to know that he didn't notice a thing that was wrong with her. Her solemn face should have told him everything yet it made no impact on him.

'Is something wrong?'

She took an extra moment to regain control over her breathing. 'We just need to talk, that's all.'

'Is this about the Doctor?' he asked, his smile fading from his face, and he took a few steps towards the black-haired girl. Nineteen, she was nineteen years old. So young.

She shook her head. 'I don't want to go back to him. I know he's changed.'

'Then what's wrong?'

Cheyenne took a deep, deep breath. 'Jack Harkness, I am pregnant.'

His eyes widened, and he took a dramatic step back, his hand slipping from her cheek. It was like he recoiled from her- it was like she was poisonous.

She saw it end right at that moment.

'Oh,' he simply answered.

Feeling the need to do something, she nodded awkwardly. 'I don't… I don't know what to do and this is…' she laughed nervously. 'I don't know what to make of this.'

She knew what to do with it. End it. But it was almost cruel to steal one's life away before she or he had even a chance to experience it.

He simply stared at her.

For a few moments, none of them said anything.

And then, he stepped forward and kissed her softly. Before long it turned into something more, and they did what they did best. He did what he always did best.

She didn't blame him (maybe she did- a little too much), because she always knew it would end. She didn't expect anything more than a kiss. He didn't mean to turn it into something more, but things happen.

The bed was cold the next morning, and empty.

She was nineteen. Just nineteen. Too young.

Even though she had prepared herself for this, she couldn't stop the salty tears from running down her cheeks.

She carried on with life as if nothing happened, and she wasted every day away with senseless writings and useless scribblings on her notebook. She noticed a constant stream of money being put into her bank account, and she let it be. _She was just another one of his conquests. _

The baby was born, and she named him Jared.

She was never fond of babies or children, and no matter how cruel it must have been to Jared, she never found herself harbouring much love or affection for him.

Most of all, it didn't help that the baby looked exceptionally like Jack, and less like herself. He took on Jack's playfulness and active nature, as well as his dimpled smile. Every day she looked at him, desperately trying to bring herself to love him, to be a good mother. Yet, she could never summon any motherly love for the child that looked too much like Jack. Cheyenne merely gave an empty smile to the 5 year old as he went through the school gates.

Jack Harkness regretted leaving Chey behind.

But there was nothing he could do. He was afraid and he knew he didn't love her. Not the way she wanted him to.

He knocked 4 times on the door.

He couldn't recognise her as she came to the door. She was so weary and tired- like she was tired of the world around her. 'Hi. How are you?'

His accent tore out pieces of her heart.

'Captain Jack Harkness,' she greeted, her tone holding no more than recognition. 'I seem to be faring fine.'

But he knew better than that.

'Would you like to come in?' she asked finally after watching him for a few moments.

He didn't know how to respond, so he just shot her his show-stopping smile and stepped into the door. 'It's been quite a long time since we've last met, hasn't it?'

'Yeah, about 5 years.'

'Mum, who's that?'

Jack stiffened, and looked at her as if to ask if she had kept the child.

'Jared, this is your dad.'

Jack Harkness looked at his son, and immediately picked up his attributes. 'Your uncle. I'm your uncle.'

Her heart broke further apart (if that was even possible), and she faked a smile for both the son and father. 'Yes, sorry. Silly mistake.'

There was a moment of silence, because it was apparent that Jack wasn't good with children either. 'Jared, why don't you go to your room?'

Jack Harkness looked at Cheyenne Cheung. 'I'm sorry.'

'For what?'

'For leaving.'

'I always knew you would leave,' she whispered. 'I just wished it wasn't that early.'

He swallowed. 'I could come back.'

'You could,' she replied, 'But not many people get second chances.'

**XXX**

There were only two men she had ever loved in her entire life.

There were only two men who had never loved her back in her entire life.

And unfortunately, they were the same person.

**XXX**

Captain Jack Harkness was one of the people who had a second chance.

He was also one of the few to throw it away.

Cheyenne Cheung had given him a second chance, but as she had still stood there two years later, on the same doorsteps, staring off into space as she waited for him on the 367th day.

He never came back that time.

Not for 3 years. Not for 5 years. Not for 10 years.

Jared Harkness stood in an alley with the strange men who had offered him a cigarette. He looked at the older man who shared an uncannily similar appearance with him.

'So you've just started your freshmen year?'

Jared nodded. 'Yeah.'

'How's your home life?'

Jared glanced at him suspiciously. 'Fine. Well, considering that my mum has pretty much never cared about me. She doesn't pay attention. I've been rebellious, I've been depressive, but nothing catches her attention. It's like she's stuck in space.'

Jack felt something gnawing at his stomach. Regret, maybe. 'Why do you think that?'

Jared laughed, but it had no humour. 'She just doesn't love me, do you get it? Sometimes I think I see the slightest bit of hatred in her eyes when she looks at me. She never tells me about dad- or herself. She's never told me anything, not anything of her life before me. My mother is a big ball of mystery. Sometimes I think she's clearly never loved anything. But she must have loved my father. Why else would she be so emotionless?'

He paused and looked at Jack's troubled but neutral expression. 'I'd love to kill him for what he's done to her, but frankly, she doesn't deserve what I'd do for her either.'

'Take care of her for me, why don't you?' Jack Harkness said, before his long coat swished behind him, and Jared was left watching his back fade from his view.

In his clever eyes, it was clear that Jared knew.

Briefly, Jared wondered if his mother had seen the same scene- the strange man's back disappearing, becoming smaller and smaller as he walked away from him.

**End notes:**

So what did you think?! Leave a review if you liked it, and leave one if you don't:)


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